Tips on Tricky Situations in Life – Sensitives
[Tips & Techniques To Chart & Navigate Life - Part 2] Part 1…
Some Gender Differences
Often male sensitives have had time, and have often been forced, to separate to some degree from their emotional feedback loop, from their emotions. [Largely in order to be accepted as part of the 'man' pack.] In this way, they may have been able to develop some coping skills, based on how they have observed others around them handling things.
It is also more acceptable for men to ‘stand up’ for themselves. But even sensitive guys will want to avoid at all costs such confrontations, or they may well develop larger than life coping skills to ‘scare off’ the other party.
Though men and women largely differ in how they handle a lot of situations, the sensitive person will usually feel at a disadvantage in any confrontation. Most people can become anxious when needing to ask for a raise, a review in salary, a change in job roles, a better assignment, an adjustment or assistance with work loads or a request regarding an inappropriate interaction at work.
For the sensitive, it is nerve-racking.
Learning how to deal with nosey, obnoxious, bullying or intimidating people is essential if they wish to be able to look forward to going to work.
Recognizing this type of person is also important. Being able to ‘read’ the hidden meanings or intentions of others is a valuable skill.
Alliances and Friendships
Often, females at work tend to befriend and develop ‘friendships’ that they think will create a loyalty or buffer from uncomfortable situations at work. Forming alliances, they often think of these as friendships. And have expectations accordingly.
Time and again I have witnessed clients making these relationships, only to experience bitter disappointment when the other party ‘turned’ against them, or didn’t side with them.
Males will create alliances, but they are much more clear that these are just what they are – alliances. They serve a purpose. The purpose is to be on their side. For the present moment. But they are aware that when the stakes change, that the alliance may change too. They have learned this as children out on the sports field.
Women are not so quick to see the reality of this in a given situation, and often simply don’t understand why things change this way. They don’t recognize that some women may make friends at work purely for convenience, and also for entertainment. It suits them while its convenient for them and often they will even try to take the friendship out of the office.
This works well if there is a real compatibility, and as long as the dynamics don’t change at work.
But the more ambitious and business savvy woman will see any work friendship as an alliance only, and a temporary one at that until she can move in the circles of others who can assist her on the way up. All she is doing is recognizing the rules of business (defined by men) and working with them.
Other women may well often see this as a ‘betrayal’ and let it reflect on their self esteem, or in their interactions with her.
Sensitives may well take it all even more personally, and it will echo to them their feelings of being misunderstood, overlooked or even abused.
So what may just be a business or work alliance to assist with work life to one person may be a totally different relationship to another. And sensitives are more likely to be disappointed if they have misread the situation.
Rules of Business
Learning to identify and separate friendships from just being acquaintances at work, alliances from the unspoken assumption of ‘best friends’ will help us to get on with the task at hand – which is to do the work we are employed for.
Often the best friends are those we don’t work with, though there are the occasional work friendships that do stand the test of time. Just don’t always expect that this is so. As often, most work friendships dwindle over time, as it was actually the proximity, convenience and shared work problems that connected co-workers together.
Don’t take it personally. You haven’t ‘lost’ anyone. There is nothing that you have done ‘wrong’. It simply means that there was just not enough ‘legs’ on the relationship to keep it working.
Often, this sense of loss or lack of loyalty will affect our output at work until we have resolved it. And unless we can explain the situation positively to ourself, and see it from a different perspective, we will be energetically ‘side-tracked’ from our main function there.
When we have continual reminders of uncomfortable situations that we have no control over that are facing us, and we are without a mental and emotional strategy, then we may feel very much a victim in the situation.
Gossip or putting someone down often may seem an easy way to vent these fears or emotions safely, or harmlessly – or so we think.
But it is damaging, dangerous and often a passive-aggressive way of trying to feel better about ourself at the expense of another. It doesn’t really resolve anything. And even worse, it will reflect back on us just what sort of person we are that we have to out down another behind their back. If you can say and have said to that same person’s face what you are saying behind their back, then it’s not so much gossip – more a way of justifying yourself or your actions. Not necessarily good or bad, depending on the situation.
Energy That Sticks
But inevitably, when we gossip or put down someone because we are too scared to say something to them, we do not deal with the situation. And energetically we create and invite further similar energy back into our life, so we never really resolve anything, just recycle and magnify more of it.
A more positive method is to learn to deal with it internally, and get on with things. [Learn how to do so with this book which gives you self help healing tools to enhance your energy systems: "Secrets Behind Energy Fields – Strengthen & Clear Your Entire Body Using Proven, Ancient Techniques".]
Or to resolve that a similar situation will not occur again, and to learn what we need to do in order that it doesn’t. In fact, both methods are highly recommended.
It is a waste of energy to regret, to worry, or to brood.
Instead focus your thoughts and your energy onto reconstructing similar situations but with a more positive outcome. Think of the things you wish you had said, yes, in an attempt to clear the retorts you would like to get out from your mind. But then focus on creating a new response, a new ‘script’ if you like, so that you have a choice as to how you can handle things differently next time.
So what can we do to solve this…?